I Can’t Hear You

I have been wearing hearing aids for at least fifteen years for a mild to moderate hearing loss, and they are fine in most circumstances. But when they fail to help me, I am in the shoes of people who are deaf or have profound hearing loss, and it is a very painful experience. I expect to have trouble in crowded restaurants, that compound the problem for people like me by playing loud music. But I have a choice. I can boycott them, as many in my age group do. We still view dining out as a social experience in which people carry on conversations. Clearly, that puts us at odds with younger patrons who appear to enjoy this noisier vibe.

Having made my peace with trying to limit my exposure to noisy settings, I was dismayed to find that my hearing loss has progressed to the next level. This explains why I am increasingly hearing the sounds people make in conversation but often can’t process all of what they say. Enter a new audiologist and new hearing aids. They are a great improvement over my old ones, but not perfect. As my audiologist explained, we are striving for “good enough” for most situations.

Here are a few pointers I have picked up from the book on hearing loss he provided. When I can’t hear what people are saying to me, it’s fine to tell them to repeat or rephrase what they said. When I’m with people at home (usually my husband), remind them to look at me and speak clearly when they talk to me. Even with my new hearing aids, I can’t understand people who mumble, speak very softly, or talk to me when leaving the room. While, I’m at it, I can’t hear through walls, so don’t bother if you are not in the room with me.

Another challenge for someone with a hearing loss is conversations from someone’s car speaker. I may ask you to repeat what you said in these circumstances, so please don’t be annoyed. Anything that distorts sound makes it harder for me to hear.

Speaking of sound distortion, seeing Wicked in the movie theater was painful. The music and sound effects were so loud I could not make out the lyrics to the songs. I probably should have removed my hearing aids. In other circumstances, I am learning to advocate for myself. The other day I was at the dentist for a new crown (so fun). They were playing rather loud music, probably to distract their patients from the pain and drill sounds. But I couldn’t process the dentist’s instructions because there were competing sound sources. So, I spoke up and they turned off the music. Victory.

Many people in my age group struggle with the world in which we live that is pretty insensitive to those with hearing loses. I’m learning it is fine to tell people you can’t hear them. Much better than faking it and missing important information.